Fear of Change
by NicoxMaki
Summary: What would you do if you loved someone and she loved you back, but you couldn't believe that and denied her and yourself from a possible happy ending? How do you feel when you know she's hurting and it was all because of you. What would you do, if even after you hurt her, she gave you a chance? Would you let your true love slip away? Nozomi's POV and read and review.


Hello everyone, and this new story was at the request of my group in Facebook. The story starts out a lot angsty and well you'll see. Anyways, I have slight announcement, well not much of an announcement, more like me pleading to those that will actually read it, moving on, you can read it if you want, but you don't have to. Hope you enjoy the story.

Disclaimer: I do not own Love Live!

* * *

"I love you, please, go out with me..." Those words I thought would never come from her mouth. But it did.

She looked into my eyes and said it. Knowing full well of what I felt for her, I was in shock. I loved her too.

But, those words, those feelings, that moment. It was too good to be true.

A moment in time that I lived my dream, but I had to wake up. It was only a dream.

I knew it may have been foolish, but I did love her, I still do. But I know I loved her too much, to ever ruin what we had.

A friendship that could last years, a bond that could never be broke, each other and everyone else in μ's.

_How could I possibly risk the chance of shattering what I've always wanted ever since I was kid just because I was in love._

I had a choice, accept and risk losing what we had if we didn't work out, or reject her and keep things the same between us. _I knew I was hurting her, but I was hurting too._

"I'm sorry."

She looked confused as I said those two words, but as a few moments passed, she understood where I was going with this.

"I don't think we should date each other." Her face looked like her heart was shattering I to millions of pieces. _And it was, and I was the one who broke._

"I don't think we would work out..." Her tears spilling out of her eyes and her body that started shaking from the few things I've said. _I know this is foolish, but it's for the best._

"And it's." I gasp unconsciously, trying to contain myself from crying as well. _I have to do this._ "It's because I don't love you, Kotori-chan."

After letting her take in what I've said, I walk away from where she was and I didn't make it very far from where she was.

I ended up in the turn of the hallway, crouched down and hugging my legs as I sob silently. It would've been a quiet hallway, but Kotori's wailing prevent that.

_Hearing her cry like, breaking her heart like that, was it really for the best. I don't know, but I did it. There's no turning back._

"I've already broken both of our hearts. I can't do anything about it now." I say to myself quietly as I gathered enough strength together up and slowly go home.

* * *

The next day in the club room after school...

Everyone except the third years were present, I act normal while I wait for her to arrive.

_Is she okay after what happened yesterday?_ I think to myself, guilty of what I did to the kind and gentle Kotori.

_I broke her that's what I did. After that, she can't possibly be okay. _My guilt overcomes me and I give slight frown all of a sudden and I quickly recover from it, but I hope no one noticed it

The door opened and I quickly looked at the ones arriving. _Umi-chan first, Honoka-chan second, but wait. Where's Kotori-chan? Is she running later than the other two?_

"Are, where's Kotori-chan, you two?" I ask in my usual voice and usual personality. I just hope no one noticed how off I've been acting, especially Ericchi.

"Oh Kotori-chan, she didn't come to school today. She said she wasn't feeling." Honoka's words didn't exactly help the way I still felt after what happened yesterday.

"I see." I realized that I may have acted odd there. "I hope she gets better then." I smile like how I normally do, but I know she won't feel that well in so quickly.

_I know she's upset with me, I just have to give her space. I have to let her gather herself and become the usual Kotori._

_And then I think. But will we ever be the same? I just hope so, because the reason I rejected her was because I was afraid things would change between us. If things changed between us after I rejected her, I'll probably regret what I told her._

"Anyways, since Kotori isn't here, let's not practice. She's the center for the new song after all, so let's all go home, okay." Ericchi announced to all of them, which I didn't hear at all until Eri put her hand on my shoulder and told me we the meeting was over.

"Nozomi, there's no practice so we're all going home. Let's go, okay." I can tell she knows something's wrong with me, but won't ask until we're alone for sure. "Can we go to your house, it's been a while since I've been there."

_I knew it. She caught on to my strange behavior_. I sigh and just nod, cause I know she'll follow me home no matter what I say.

Our walk to my apartment was quiet, Eri didn't even try to come up with hints to talk about and just walked along side me.

As we reached my apartment and the moment we entered inside, she already asked me something.

"Is something wrong, Nozomi?"

"Hah Ericchi, it seems that most of the time you're here is because there's a problem going on." I tell her as I go to the kitchen and prepare tea.

"So are you implying that there is something wrong?"

"..." I stay quiet, which actually answers her question in a way.

"I'll take your silence as a yes, can you tell me what it is? Maybe I can help you?"

"I don't think so Ericchi. This problem, it's not going to be solved so easily."

"All the more reason you should tell me, that way I can help you."

"Ericchi, I don't think this problem is something you can help me with." I finish the tea's preparation and set the brewed tea on the table, where I took a seat across Eri.

"Then maybe you can tell the rest of us, maybe if we can all work-" I interrupt Eri before she even finishes.

"They won't be able to help either, it's something I have to solve by myself and the other person."

"So your problem is with a person?" She thinks of possible problems a person could probably burden me with.

"Are you being bullied?"

I shake my head and take a sip of my tea.

"Are you in debt?"

"Where did you even get that idea from?" I give her an unamused glare.

"Does it have to deal with the shrine?"

"No."

"Is it about love?"

I freeze in place and she quickly notices it. _I thought she would've taken longer to figure out what kind of problem I had._

"Are you dating someone?"

I sigh and shake my head before saying. "It's not like that. It never even came to that." I say the last part so quietly she couldn't even hear, of course that was on purpose, I didn't want her to hear it.

"Is someone in love with you, or are you in love with someone?" I look at my window. The sun was already setting and it was getting late.

"Nozomi?"

"I heard what you said Ericchi."

"Then which is it?"

"I suppose it's both."

"What do you mean?"

"I liked someone."

"Okay?"

"And it seemed that person liked me back."

"Hm, then why aren't happy about it? And what do you mean 'seemed', does this person like you back or not?"

"To be honest I don't know."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm confused about too."

"Did this person confess?" I nod and she had another question that made me remember yesterday. "What did you say?"

"... I." I wasn't sure if I should answer it or not, but a part of me just wanted to confide in someone. "I rejected it."

"What?!" Eri was pretty surprised. "I thought you liked this person, and he confessed." At the word he, I decided to tell her a little bit more about the person I liked.

"I just want to tell you something first Ericchi."

"What is it?"

"You said he, it's not a he, it's a she." Her reaction was more normal than I thought.

"Okay then, I thought 'she' confessed to you. Why would you reject her?"

"Because, because I thought it was too good to be true." My answer caught her off guard. "I didn't believe she felt the same way I did. Also..."

"Also?"

"I was scared."

"What were you scared of?"

"That things would change between us. That the friendship we had would, would just disappear if things ended badly."

"Nozomi." Eri's voice suddenly turned into a gentle one instead of a questioning one. "Some things would change between the two of you, but not everything is going to change. Also, if you really are as good friends, I don't think that a breakup would end the friendship you two have, right?"

"I don't want to risk losing what we have."

"Nozomi, when you first met me we were complete strangers, but you took the first step and approached me. You took a risk there, why not in this one, on love?"

"I can't because I know it's too good to be true."

"She already took the first step and confessed to you, all you have to do is follow her lead."

I was still unconvinced and Eri assured me. She got up from her seat and crouched next to my seat. She grabbed my hands and looked into my slightly tearing eyes.

"Listen, I know it's scary risking something like that, but you have to about her too. She must've thought the same thing too, but she still confessed. Don't let this go to waste, okay."

"Okay."

Thats all I say before I cry a bit more before she leaves to get something to wipe my eyes. As she leaves, I take out my trusted tarot cards and do my own reading.

I shuffle them accordingly and before I draw the top card, Eri returns With a handkerchief.

"It seems that you feel well enough to use those." She says as she places the handkerchief on the table.

"I just want to make sure of the outcome of what I'm going to do."

"So, if you get a bad reading, you won't tell her. Is that what you're saying?"

"No, not at all. I know I have to confess, but this is just a way of mentally preparing myself for what's going to happen."

I take the top card and I slowly place it on the table. I take a deep breath before reaching for the card. I slowly turn it and before I see the card, I suddenly feel tense.

As I see the card, I slowly tear up. _I knew it, I just knew it._

"Why are you crying?" I show the card as my answer. "O-oh."

_I just have to prepare myself for tomorrow_.

* * *

The next day comes and I feel tense about what I'm going to tell her.

_I guess the plan of giving her space and letting things go back to normal won't happen._ I think of what happened yesterday.

_I just hope things go well, after the future isn't always clear. We can't always be sure of what will happen._

Classes have already ended and I head to the club room with my two fellow seniors.

_I heard from the others that Kotori-chan came today, but she wasn't acting like she usually did._ They thought that she still didn't feel well, but I know the real reason.

"Nozomi, are you feeling okay? You're acting weird." I heard Nico say to me and I think to myself. _Even, Nicocchi notices I'm not my usual self. _

I smile after I see that Nico knows well enough to at least tell if something was wrong.

"Yeah, I'm fine Nicocchi, sorry to worry you."

"W-worry, who said I was worried. I only noticed because you usually grope me and stuff, don't think much of it." Nico retorted and walked ahead.

I smile at her expected reaction and chuckle along with Eri.

"So, have you talked to her yet?" Eri asks me after we see how far ahead Nico is.

"No, not yet."

"But I thought you wanted to settle things with her today."

"I'll see her later, so don't worry about Ericchi."

"Should we cancel practice then, Kotori still isn't feeling well either so maybe we should just cancel. That way you can talk to her."

"You don't have to to do that Ericchi, I told you I'll see her anyways." I thought about just telling, but I got the idea of dropping hints and letting her figure it out herself.

"But if you do it later there might not be enough time."

"Ericchi, I'll see her sooner than you think."

"Huh, what does that mean?"

"It means that where we're going, shes going to be there."

"Wait, so this someone you like and the one who likes you back is in the group?!" I chuckle at her reaction and at how long it took her to figure it out.

"Yes."

"Who?"

"I told you what happened right, I rejected her at first."

"Okay..."

"So, who in our group is acting like someone who just got rejected?" She thought about for a moment and I sigh that it took her a couple seconds before figuring it out.

"Kotori?!"

"Yes Ericchi, it's Kotori-chan. The one I like is Kotori-chan and she also likes me back."

"Wow, no wonder why she missed yesterday and is acting weird today. But I kind of can't believe that a rejection would make our usual Kotori into something depressing."

"I know."

"Wait, I'm, I'm not saying this is your fault-" I cut her off after seeing how panicked she looked.

"Don't worry Ericchi, I know you didn't mean to, but it's also kind of true. It is my fault."

"Nozomi..." We reach the clubroom and I open the door finding the usual members in their usual spot and acting how they normally do, except Kotori who sat at the corner of the table looking away from everyone.

_I will fix things between us for sure. _I think to myself as Eri tells everyone to get ready for practice.

* * *

During practice, I caught Kotori looking at me many times and I did the same to her, but I made sure she didn't notice that I was looking at her.

_Maybe she has something in her mind that she wants to tell me._

After practice, everyone leaves I took my time getting ready. Eri already knew why, so she didnt ask to go home, but instead she asked Honoka if she wanted to go around Akihabara. Of course since Honoka was going, Umi was sure to follow. Kotori told them she didn't feel well enough to go with them, so the room ended up with the both of us still getting ready to leave.

After a while, I finish getting ready and I slowly walk out of the room. I knew Kotori would follow, of course.

So, we walk out of the school building and I casually walk the way to my apartment. I knew that she would find it odd that I didn't stop her as she followed me home, so I was just waiting until she spoke up. Luckily, halfway to my house in a empty street, she called out to me.

"Nozomi-chan!" I stop, take a deep breath and turn around.

"Yes, Kotori-chan."

"I-I, I want to know!" She yells out and I'm a bit confused.

"Know what?"

"How you really feel about me?"

"i thought I told you that a few days ago." I know I was supposed to tell her how I feel, but what she's asking me caught my attention.

"No, not that. The truth, your real feelings! I can tell that there wasn't something true in what you said, I didn't know a couple of days ago, but I know now."

"How do you know that?"

"From today, you were acting differently too. I knew why I acted that way, but I didn't know why you acted that way. At first I thought it was guilt, but then I saw it."

"Saw what?"

"I saw you look at me, and I could tell that it wasn't guilt that caused you to act that way. It was like a hurt look, as if seeing me hurt you in someway. Do, do you hate me?"

"!" I was surprised at her assumption, but I had to tell her it wasn't that. "No Kotori-chan, I don't hate you."

"Then why did you look hurt when you saw me?"

"Because I knew I wasn't being honest. When you confessed to me, to be honest, I was happy, ecstatic even." She looked quite surprised.

"But at the same time, I was scared."

"Scared, scared of what?"

"You and I, and the rest of Muse. We're all really close with each other, we have a strong bond unlike other friends who've just met each other. I was afraid if we became more than friends, we might lose what we had. We might lose each other."

"Nozomi-chan, I felt a little like that too. You see before I even confessed, I bought about what could happen if i told you and you rejected me, we might grow distant. But if you accepted it, we might be even closer than before. That thought along made me risk all of that, the thought being close to you more than I used to."

"So, you thought of it too." She nodded.

"I always hoped you felt the same as I did."

"I did, and I still do. But the doubts I have and the thought of what could go wrong make me ignore how happier we could become and the confidence I have for my feelings for you."

"I'm scared too and I also have doubts, but I'm willing to put those aside for you. I'll overcome them for you, so. Can you do the same for me?" She walked closer and held out her hand.

_The last time I ran away from how I truly felt, but now even with my fears, I'll try my best for her._

"Yes, I'll try, for you." I reach for her hand and I intertwine it with my own. I gave her a genuine smile and she did the same to me in return.

She pulls me into a hug and says the words I thought were too good to be true, but now, I believe them.

"I love you Nozomi-chan." I hug her even tighter.

"I love you too, Kotori-chan."

The End

* * *

Hey guys, so I hope you liked this story. I know it was a bit angsty, but I hope you all enjoy this. Review your thoughts and comments about it. Also, to those curious to what card Nozomi drew in her deck of tarot cards, it was Lovers.

Anyways, about the announcment/pleading for something, there's a special going on for the Blu-Ray discs for the first season of love live. If you purchase the pre-order, you get a limited edition UR Honoka, so if any of you decide to purchase that and you don't have School idol festival. I was hoping you could send me the serial code, of course this is just me asking, but if you happen to send me the serial code for this I will write and finish a story that you want according to your specifications. Like the pairings in it, or if you just want me to write an interesting story for your favorite shipping. That'll be fine too, so this is me begging you guys, if you play it and you preordered it, I really hope you can give me the serial code.

So thanks for reading the story and me begging you guys for something and BYE BYE!:D


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